Venus Rules

During my teenage years, the concept battle of the sexes was very rampant. Almost every discussion would always lead to a girls-versus-boys thing. Now that I’m an adult, I realized how inaccurate that concept was. There is no such thing as men versus women because aside from the fact that there is “too much fraternizing with the enemy” (Jessica Zafra) going on, men are not evolved enough to be on the same level as women. In boxing, you cannot fight someone who is not from the same division as you are. Men are not only not on the same weight division so to speak, they are not even in the pros.

Here’s a newsflash (I’m not gonna hold back so here goes…): most men are stupid. It’s a fact that almost every woman knows. What’s funny is that, even with this knowledge, women still find that men are essential to live a fairly interesting life. So what does a girl do? She pretends that she is even more stupid than her guy. No, we would not want to hurt their feelings. We have to make them feel like they are in-charge or they’ll feel emasculated.

But let’s be reasonable here. Most guys are probably saying, “WTF! How can you say that?” Because, guys, number one, you walk around with the delusion that you are God’s gift to women. You are not. You were created first. But God saw that you were lonely, wandering all alone in the garden. Oh, poor little boy, so helpless and miserable. So God, who is all-powerful and knowing, created us, which in effect makes us women God’s gift to men. But nooooo, you would never admit to this. You are so full of yourselves that you feel like it’s a sin to be keeping yourselves from other women even if you are already with somebody else. Tsk, bad, bad boys. Number two, you think you are smarter than us. I would not even have to elaborate the obvious. We just let you think that you are smarter because, let’s face it, what fun would you guys be if you go around with a long face, moping and feeling useless? Plus, we have a longer lifespan, have higher EQ’s, can give birth to the next generation, are generally more pleasant to be around… the list goes on. But more importantly, men are easy to read. The moment you show yourselves and utter a single word, we know what you want, even if you go on painstaking lengths to hide your true motives. We know. Women, on the other hand, are deceiving. Because it’s what men want, we make you believe that we are damsels in distress because it feeds your machismo to be thinking that you will save the day. You cannot even prove your worth without having to do something physical.

Poor boys, frothing at the mouth as we speak. I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news, to be the one to shatter the rose-colored glass that has blissfully shielded you from the truth. Don’t worry, you are not completely useless. Yet. Just as long as nobody invents a more viable replacement. A dog would have been perfect. Unfortunately, we need it to be able to stand on two legs and lift heavy objects. So don’t lose heart, guys. You will still find countless intelligent women who will laugh at your not funny jokes, show interest at your boring stories and act impressed by your uhmmm… man stuff. It is so hard to find a good source of entertainment nowadays but one has to make do with what is available, another characteristic which makes women better than men. We adapt and we adapt well.

In conclusion, women are superior. If you guys know what’s best for you, don’t piss us off. We are holding your balls in the palm of our hands. You would not want us to crush them into oblivion, would you? What then would the source of your macho pride be? Oh, the tragedy.