Saturday, July 31, 2010 | By: Hazel

Song of the Moment: Bohemian Rhapsody



Any way the wind blows...

I have loved this song for a long time. It's so beautiful, haunting, weird and complex all at the same time. It's so... human, for lack of a better word. Recently, I stumbled across the song's video on YouTube after which I gained a new-found respect for Queen. Respect would be an understatement. I'd say obsession. I was familiar with their more popular songs and I have unconsciously liked them and knew that they were Queen songs but I have never paid attention to Queen the band. However, this week, after I started watching videos from their concerts and other songs I was not familiar with, I was completely blown away by Freddie Mercury. His charisma, his flamboyance, his stage presence, his power over his fans was incredible. I googled him and I was intrigued by his personality. Here was a guy who was so obviously talented, famous and revered but so unimpressed by his own genius, it's just unthinkable. He was so in communion with his audience when he was performing that everyone in the audience can simply think that he and Freddie were one, but he was so shy in person that he rarely gave interviews.

Now, I'm simply hooked on Freddie. It doesn't matter that he was so glaringly gay and that he had AIDS and died because of it. He was a greater deity than I am. I am now his worshiper and I am not even good enough to write about him.

Freddie, I am simply devastated that I didn't know you when you were still alive and walking on the same planet. Rest assured, your cult will remember you forever as evidenced by your Bohemian Rhapsody video which has over 42 million views on YouTube. Your hair, your eyeliner and your costume (which showed you to be a gay man with lower body fat index than I have) were horrible to look at but I still can't keep my eyes away from you. You were practically slapping me in the face with your homosexuality but I am not embarrassed to admit that I still have the hots for you. And even if you are now reduced to ashes, I am still not worthy to lick your bottomless microphone stand. Thank you for the music.
Friday, July 30, 2010 | By: Hazel

I Want To Improve My Life... (Part 2)

(Here is the continuation of a post from last week.)

Change your wardrobe. What? I do not feel inclined to go Goth. Improve. Not change.
Smile at least 10x a day. Really? Even if there is no reason to? And risk looking like a patient from a mental institution? I think not.
Burn some old memories. Already did. And the amount of space it freed after that is just dying to get filled again.
Plant a tree. Planning to with some friends. Maybe later this year.
Move to another town or country. I'm already in another town. Besides, I don't like moving.
Join new group. I can't think of a group to join right now.
Stop watching TV. I have not had a TV for 4 years now. Sometimes it's actually depressing. But it does spare me from all the crap that people with TV have to put up with.
Start a totally unexpected hobby. I plan to plant my own herbs. When I told my mother about this she was worried because according to her, gardening are either for married people or for spinsters. Since I still have no plans to get married, she just assumed that I'm practicing to be a spinster.
Randomly hug a stranger on the street. No. The stranger will either think that I'm crazy, in which case he'll run screaming away from me, or that I'm a very dangerous person, in which case he'll stab me to death thinking that he was just defending himself.
Set a surprise party. I'm not really a party person. I do not like parties. So it is very unlikely that I would be able to organize a party. But you are doing this to improve yourself, you say. Sure. I will improve myself by not being a party-pooper, which I usually am. There's your improvement.
Go hiking. Yes. Some friends are planning to, along with the tree planting.
Get a pet. I would love to get a dog but it's too much commitment. It's like having a baby only more smelly and hairy. The poor creature will probably die within a week of being with me.
Write a thank you letter. I wrote a thank you blog. Fine. I'll write a letter. Happy now?
Meditate daily. I'm planning to learn yoga. That should take care of the meditation stuff.
Say something nice to somebody. I admit I don't always compliment people unless I was shocked into making the compliment. I will try more often.
Say something nice to You.  NOW we're talking. This I never fail to do albeit only when nobody is around to hear. I would not want anyone to think that I am the female reincarnate of Narcissus.
When in doubt, improvise. Sometimes, that may not be a good idea. Haha. I've heard horror stories about this.
Don't argue, win or lose. Fortunately, I have never seen the sense in arguing. I avoid arguments like a plague.
Stop faking your life. I never need to fake my life. My life is fabulous. People would be lucky to have a life like mine. Like I said, I sometimes sound like Narcissus.
Define goals. Done. Achieving them is entirely different.
Go social. Man, this is the same as the 'Make new friends' from the earlier post. Again, I'll try.
Spend some time alone. Ah, now this I love. I do it all the time.
Fix something by yourself. I'm sure I have fixed something. I just can't remember at the moment.
Help others. I have been doing this all my life. What can I say, I'm the snob with a heart.
Create value. Hell, yeah. What is the purpose of creating something that is completely worthless. And I'm not just talking about monetary value here.
Do random act of kindness. There was a girl who fell down on the side of the street. She couldn't get up immediately because she scraped her knees. Her bag and books were scattered on the sidewalk. I picked up her books and did a really stupid thing. I asked her if she was okay. Of course, she is not okay. But she said she was anyway. Bottom line is I'm a very helpful and kind person. I could not help it. It's in my nature.
One more second. I have a natural inclination to procrastinate. I am not proud of that but there it is. So I just don't take one more second. I take another minute. Or two.
Understand what people want from you. Sure. But a problem arises when people don't understand what they want from you. Besides, you'll never be able to understand everything so I don't sweat it.
Break an old habit. Swearing. I know it's not good. I will try harder not too.
Stop complaining. Au contraire, I rarely complain. I am such a doormat, I hate it.
Reject what you don't want. Actually, easier said than done.
Being is better than having. What can I say? I'm a material girl. But I do try to be. Whatever that means.
Listen to your critics. All the time. I don't necessarily agree with them and most of the time I think they are wrong but I do listen.
Don't take it personally. I need to work on this one. I find it very difficult to not personally take any attack that is thrown against me or anything I did. It just is. I mean, if it's me or something I did, how can it not be personal?
Laugh. I laugh. A lot. Like a lunatic.
Go with passion. I do. Most of the time anyway. I am a fairly passionate person.
Trust your emotion. Yes. Sometimes my emotions are over-the-top but they are seldom completely wrong.
Live it like a holiday. This is gonna be a problem because holiday means spending and that is something that I'm trying to curb right now.
Make a story out of it. Oh, puh-lease. I'm not a story teller. I don't want to be. I don't want to be the person who bores the other person into a coma with anecdotes from my life.
Stop being a follower. Ummm...
Watch your belief. This is fair enough. Our beliefs do help mold us into the person that we are.
Stop lying. I'm not a habitual liar but you have to admit that there are times when it is better to lie.
Stop reacting to stuff. It takes a hell of a lot to annoy or affect me. It's such a waste of energy.
Live today. Of course. We can only live today. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come.
Expect the unexpected. Always.
Enjoy. Of course. Why else would I got through all these?
Make your own rules. Yes. Then break all of them. There are no rules.
Love. I'm a fan of love. I love love.
Get rid of levels. Just like the rules, baby. All going out the window.
No regrets. None whatsoever. Live, love and let cleavage.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010 | By: Hazel

Goodbye, Gilmore Girls

Nice run, girls. I enjoyed it so much. Thanks for the roller coaster ride.

After all those time that our bond was put on hold because I went away from home and lived in places with no TV. I finally got to watch the whole 7 seasons of Gilmore Girls. All those witty comments, hilarious jokes, food-binging and mother-daughter moments reminded me of the time when I sat in front of the TV watching your pilot episode many years ago wishing that I had the same relationship with my mother. If your final episode came out then, it would have made me realize that there was still hope for my mother and me.

Chris was the very essence of perfection...

...but I still prefer to have a Luke.

I cannot believe I was living vicariously through the Gilmores. Now its over. Oh well. Goodbye, Loreleis.
Saturday, July 24, 2010 | By: Hazel

I Want To Improve My Life... (Part 1)



I don't want to fall into a rut and die so I'm looking for ways to improve my life. Just this past couple of weeks, I suddenly feel so in control of my life. I'm getting better at tennis. I have defined a reasonable financial objective and I am fairly confident about achieving them, at least the short-term and mid-term ones. I feel really good and I makes me want to do something that would make me feel even better. So I was browsing on the internet and I came across this blog. It's a list of stuff you can do to make your life better. Since I have time and in a personal-improvement mode, here they are:


Accept my mistakes. That's easy enough. I am perfectly sure that right now I am not carrying a chip over some mistake that I did.  
Accept my friends' mistakes. Also no problem. I have this tendency to hold a grudge over someone who did me really wrong especially if they are my friends because I just feel like they should know better. But right now, there are no mistakes from friends that are looming over my head unaccepted so this is a check.
Create a new habit. I'm trying to make a habit out of making a gratitude list every week. I usually do the list on Mondays so that I don't feel too bugged about the weekend being over. I'm still starting so it's very hard to try to remember to keep at it.
Build self-discipline. This one takes a lot of effort. It will probably take me my entire lifetime to do this. This is an on-going process for me.
Make new friends. Damn. I knew this was gonna be on the list. It's always on all self-improvement lists. I swear I'll try. I am not opposed to making new friends. I just couldn't get myself to start up a conversation. When somebody approaches me to make friends with me, I'm not gonna give him a hard time but I'm not gonna be the one. to. start. the. conversation.
Get a new job. I can't. I'm still 6 months into this one. And I happen to like it.
Start a new diet. I will. But not a diet diet. It's more like a diet that will include more variety into my meals. But I'm going to start that when I have a new place where I can actually cook.
Keep a journal. Yes.
Create and keep a morning phrase. Apparently, this is something you say to yourself every morning to set your mood for the whole day. I'll think of something.
Travel far away from home. Well, I'm living in a place far away from home so I guess this is done. 
Learn to take risks. Yes, I am sort of a risk-taker. I've moved out of our house. I've quit a job. I've jumped off a cliff to a deep water and I am not even confident with my ability to swim.
Start your own business. Hmmm... I don't know...
Change your work space. Okay, I'll work on that.
Learn a new language. Spanish. Next year.
Find reasons to agree. Are you kidding me? I'm the most agreeable person I know.
Pay yourself first. I thought I was already doing this because everytime I get my paycheck I always buy myself stuff first. Now I understand that when I do that, I am paying the store, not myself. Paying yourself means put part of your income in your savings account first. Started doing it just this month.
Wake up early. Well, I would not know how to measure this because I work during the night. I will be transferred to a morning shift soon so I will know then.
Train your focus. For me, this is similar to the self-discipline thing. I'm working on it.
Start a blog.  Done.
Write an ebook.  I don't know. That's kinda hard. 
Be better, not perfect. An ongoing process.
Stop self-sabotage. I don't think I do this. I self-doubt but I don't self-sabotage.
Find reasons to love your life. I don't need reasons. I love myself. Period.
Try something new. I tried Thai food. It did horrible things to my stomach. I will still go on trying new things though. I love the sense of adventure it brings.
Avoid fighting. I do. At all cost. Even to the point of saying yes to everything. And that does not improve my life. I need to learn to say no without guilt.
Stop wasting power. Again, it's the self-discipline thing.
Learn to ignore. I am good at this. It annoys my mother that she can't annoy me. Nyahaha.
Experiment gratitude. Not only do I experiment it but I practice it. I say thank you to everyone even if they are just doing it because it's their job.
Recycle your aggression. This is why I love tennis. You can do to the ball what you can't do to the person who annoys the hell out of you.
Release your guardian. Guardians are those which are keeping you from jumping into opportunities or doing something crazy. I'm okay in this department. I don't have a lot of guardians. Just enough to keep me in the right path.
Clean up your house. I don't have a house so I guess the room will do.
Write a personal mission statement. Hmmm. Kinda hard also.
Dissolve negative opinions about yourself. I don't have a negative opinion of myself. I have a realistic opinion of myself and even those I try to break. Sometimes. Little by little.
Build different skills. Writing is a skill I'm trying to build. Something which is completely different from my field.
Manage your time as you manage your money. Also a work in progress.
Exercise. Since I started doing tennis, I realize why a lot of people, including myself in the past, are not successful with their exercise regimen. It's because for them, exercise means to jog or go to the gym. Well guess what, guys. The reason why you can't keep at jogging or going to the gym is because it is boring. Try a sport. It's way better.
Be a parent. No.
Throw away one object a day from your house. No. To what end? Why buy stuff when you are just gonna throw it away? Unless it is badly damaged. Besides, I'm a packrat. It's against my nature.
Read a book per week. A book per month is more realistic for me. Sorry.
Start a monthly challenge. I'm not every good at thinking out challenges. Throw me a challenge and I'll try my hand at it.
Call an old friend. Done.
Follow a coincidence. No. I think it's more romantic that they remain a coincidence. When it's a coincidence, it's nature's accident. It's the universe conspiring. I love that.
Play a game. Tennis game?
Forgive somebody out of the blue. I don't know anyone who needs forgiveness from me.
Stop solving the wrong problems. Yes. Sometimes I fall into this kind of trap. I lose focus and end up worrying about the wrong things.
Make peace with an old enemy. Ummm... I don't have an old enemy that I know of.
Make a promise to a close person and keep it. Really? And that would improve my life how?
Break up with a person you don't really like. Ahhh...
Get a thing you wanted for a long time. This makes me sad. I can't remember anything I wanted for a long time. Damn.
Stop being judgmental. Fortunately, I am seldom judgmental. Haha.

(to be continued...)
more from Dragos Roua- Brilliantly Better
Thursday, July 22, 2010 | By: Hazel

The Moleskine Mania



Yey! I'm writing on Moleskine. Call me an elitist. Call me a snob. I'm writing on Moleskine and I am ecstatic. I filled 12 pages on the first hour of purchase. I had dinner within that same hour. That has got to set some kind of record.

Yes, it is pretty expensive because it took me this long to buy one. And now that I have one, there is no turning back for me. No other kind of notebook is gonna make me feel the same again. On the bright side, since I will not be buying cheaper notebooks, ergo more notebooks because I can afford more notebooks with cheaper prices, then I will be doing the environment and all those trees a favor. I have been feeling guilty about the murder of those poor defenseless trees on my account via the copious number of notebooks, most of them unused, that I have in my possession.

But now, I am using a Moleskine. I am happy. The Moleskine is happy. The trees are happy. Everybody is happy!
Saturday, July 17, 2010 | By: Hazel

Virtues

(This was something I wrote a few months back.)

Let me state for the record that I am not an old-fashioned person. However, there is one old-fashioned notion that I cling to tenaciously and that is my belief that patience is a virtue. In this dog-eat-dog and cyber-driven society, I still believe that good things come to those who wait.

This is not an easy feat. Very few people share this sentiment and it is probably easier to remember the deadly sins than the heavenly virtues. Who wants to be a stuck-up goody-two-shoes when the evil ones get all the fun? Who wants to be labeled meticulous and accurate when everybody is looking for someone aggressive and proactive? Which is not to say that being aggressive and proactive is wrong. What I mean is, how can you sit calmly and wait when you look around you and see that everybody else is living in their dream house, driving their dream car, working on their dream job and going to their dream vacation with their dream significant other?

You look at yourself and convince yourself that your due share will come because you have worked hard and waited for so long that there is no way you couldn't deserve what you were asking for. You repeat it again and again yet you cannot shake this terrible feeling that a little part of you is saying, "Congratulations if you live to see that happen."

Oh no, to wait is not an easy feat. The uncertainty of what is to come in the future is maddening. Witnessing the rewards reaped by those I deemed undeserving is disheartening. Fortunately, just as I am not old-fashioned, I am also not jaded. So I wait, while all around me children grow up and grow old, fairy tales were told and forgotten, and corporate-ladder climbers go up and fall down. I cross my fingers and continue to wait because I believe that my time will come and when it does it's here to stay.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010 | By: Hazel
Saturday, July 3, 2010 | By: Hazel

List # 1: Things To Do in the Next 6 Months


This is to jumpstart the list of lists that I'm going to share. If I had no other stuff to do, I'd be able to accomplish all these in less than a month. But between working and trying to get a life outside of work, I can only do so much.

The # 1 item on the list has been on my list of financial goals every year for the last 2 years. Now that I have made this list public, I'd be embarrased if I haven't crossed this out by the end of the year. The most difficult item on this list would have to be # 7. Moving out entails a considerable budget, not to mention effort. And I hate moving. I don't like having to pack and transport all my stuff to another place. But I have to move out. I am not really a dorm kind of person. The fact that by the end of the year I'll have lived in this place for one year is a considerable feat. As you already know, I am not a very sociable person. Living in a dorm with other human beings automatically assigns to you some social responsibilities. Not to mention the kind of things that you have to tolerate from other people, like for instance, the girl-next-room's choice of music or her phone conversations with her boyfriend which is audible to the entire floor. Hello, do you really need everyone to know that you're an immature brat whose music library is composed of songs from The Steps? Geez.

"But what does not kill me will make me stronger", so until I am able to live on my own apartment, I'm gonna continue to tolerate the girl in the next room as well as those who hog all the clothes line during laundry day and those who leave their trash on the bathroom. Needless to say, I'm sure they are also just barely tolerating my existence
Thursday, July 1, 2010 | By: Hazel

The Eternal List of the Mundane

I have a confession to make. I am one of those people who has a list for everything. It's a compulsion. Crossing off things from the lists makes me feel like I am getting somewhere and that I am being productive. I know, that's not necessarily true but there it is. I make grocery lists, errands lists, to-do lists for work and to-buy lists for my closet. And except for the to-buy list for my closet, most of the items on these lists are recurring. I mean, if I make an errands list this week which includes laundry, I will still have to list down laundry in my errands lists for next week whether or not I have crossed off laundry this week.

Last week, during that spur-of-the-moment Saturday that I've been ranting about, within that same fateful hour when I bought the beach outfit that was not on my to-buy list, I also bought this book:


It was on sale and I was in a rut with my current reading material again. So I figured I needed a diversion and bought it. From the title itself, it is a compilation of lists from different people from different parts of the world. It made me feel good to know that there are other people out there who make some sort of semblance in this chaotic universe by making lists. The lists exhibited in the book were from the mundane, like daily task lists and grocery lists, to the monumental, like I-can-die-if-I-have-done-all-these lists. And some of the lists were from 20 years ago. It's amazing. People hold on to their lists and find that they are still crossing off things from it after 20 years. I also read somewhere that Jose Rizal kept all of his lists. But it was because Rizal knew that he was destined for greatness and was keeping even his most mundane documents to make sure that future generations will have stuff by which they could analyze how he lived. This got me to thinking: Hey, I should save my lists. I have no grand delusions for greatness but it would be nice to go over them many years from now and look at how much progress I've made. So, starting today, I'm going to renew my lists and revise them if necessary. I would even post some of them here.

I just love this book for giving me ideas. More importantly, a cute guy from the ATM line started a conversation with me because of the book. I was rummaging through my bag, the book fell and the guy next in line to me picked it up and started to ask me questions about the book. But then my turn on the machine came up so I had to go. If I didn't have a boyfriend, I might have asked for his number. Then again, maybe he was just really interested on the book because he is one of us compulsive list-makers. Hmmm...

"I am disorganized and yet I aspire toward order... Tasks that seem overwhelming look easier when reduced to mere lines on paper." ~from To-Do List by Sasha Cagen