So before the year ended, I had in a bouncing albeit drooling baby girl. So her eyes took after that of the sperm donor. So what? I was beyond ecstatic. Giving birth is my highest achievement to date. The pain, the debts, the leg cramps, the back spasms, the morning sickness, being alone, in the end it is all worth it. In exchange I get the incessant drooling, the irresistible coos, the hard-to-come-by-smiles but when bestowed upon me felt like the highest honors. Yes, I am a mere mush in the miniature palm of my child. I am under her spell. The power she wields over me is that of Aphrodite over her love-lorn suitors.
If I'm trying to make this all sound easy, I apologize. It is not my intention to mislead you. Of course, it is difficult.. It is difficult financially. Formula milk is very expensive. I also breastfeed her but since I'm working she has to have milk when I'm not around. And the vaccines are holy-effing-cow-what-the-heck-are-they-putting-in-there exorbitant. Not to mention all those nitty-gritty baby stuff that she needs. It's difficult emotionally. I always question myself, whether I'm giving her what she needs or if I'm being a good mother. It is difficult physically. I wake up several times each night for her feedings. Recovery from the operation was slow. My breasts are always sore. It's difficult in all other aspects. I'm always at the mercy of my nanny who, despite being almost half my age, consumes 3 times as much food as I do. No kidding. But I can live with a perpetually almost-empty ref just as long as she takes good care of the little one when I'm not around.
Yes, with motherhood comes a superhero complex. It's tough. It's demanding. It's rewarding. It's not for everyone. In beauty pageants, when asked what is the essence of being a woman, contestants are always inclined to say that being a mother is. Girls, do not be pressured. Only you can define your life and decide what it's essence is for you. There are a lot of mothers out there who are depressed and do not want to be mothers. If you think you're ready for it, good. If not, don't force it because there is no undo button you can click. And remember, it's not just you anymore. Your choices affect your child.
But then again, I was one of those who didn't want to have kids. I never even considered what it will be like after delivering the baby, what motherhood is really like. I thought that child birth will kill me and I was never able to look past the possibility. But look at me now. Still alive and basking on the combined aroma of baby powder and baby puke. Because really, more often than not, you are never ready for anything until you are smacked right in the middle of it.
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