Because Facebook was blocked today in the office network but Blogger was not, out of boredom here is what I did:
I pledged to read one book per month starting next month for my own pleasure to Jessicarulestheuniverse.com. And because I love Jessica Zafra, I promise to do my best-est to abide by this pledge for as long as I live and I will also spread the awareness by nagging my friends to do the same. The website targeted to have 300 pledges by yesterday afternoon but since I was out for the whole weekend and yesterday being a holiday, I was not able to submit my pledge on time. What was more tragic was that only half of the target pledge was submitted by the deadline. Oh well, who says that battling illiteracy is easy? At least this is a good start. Now, all I have to do is make a conscious effort. On the bright side, I now have the extra push to really finish the last Lord of the Rings book. I have been stuck on it for, like, months. I know, I'm sooo lame. I'll do better. I promise.
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Masculine Wash and the Apocalypse
Really. What is this abomination that they called a masculine wash? Do guys really need it? Granting, guys really smell bad, like, in general. But down there? I think this metrosexual bullshit is blurring the fine line between male homo and hetero. I mean, what could be more gay than a masculine wash? Where the hell is the stupid machismo that you guys seem to take so much pride in?
Guys, trust me. You don't smell down there. At least, not as bad as women do. I will be the first to admit that our smell requires a feminine wash. Yours doesn't. If you think you smell bad enough to be needing a masculine wash, you probably need to see a doctor.
A masculine wash. The thought alone makes me cringe. It is amusing come to think of it but mostly it is just disgusting. I am not being a prudish feminist but this is just incomprehensible. Is this a manifestation of your repressed jealousy of the female species? I'm just thinking out loud here. But here is another thought: why don't you guys grow a vagina? Then you can have a real use for a wash. And a pap smear. That way you can have PMS and can also bear children. Please, spare us from the torment of child-birth. That's a hell lot more useful than your need for a masculine wash.
And to the manufacturers of this detestable product, here's an idea from my friend: masculine wash that comes in different flavors! Just like the condoms! Oh boy. A man-purse, I could take. Maybe you should think about an innovation more worthy of a nobel prize, like breast pumps for guys. Or tampons for him. If that isn't a sign of the apocalypse, I don't know what is. Time to repent.
Guys, trust me. You don't smell down there. At least, not as bad as women do. I will be the first to admit that our smell requires a feminine wash. Yours doesn't. If you think you smell bad enough to be needing a masculine wash, you probably need to see a doctor.
A masculine wash. The thought alone makes me cringe. It is amusing come to think of it but mostly it is just disgusting. I am not being a prudish feminist but this is just incomprehensible. Is this a manifestation of your repressed jealousy of the female species? I'm just thinking out loud here. But here is another thought: why don't you guys grow a vagina? Then you can have a real use for a wash. And a pap smear. That way you can have PMS and can also bear children. Please, spare us from the torment of child-birth. That's a hell lot more useful than your need for a masculine wash.
And to the manufacturers of this detestable product, here's an idea from my friend: masculine wash that comes in different flavors! Just like the condoms! Oh boy. A man-purse, I could take. Maybe you should think about an innovation more worthy of a nobel prize, like breast pumps for guys. Or tampons for him. If that isn't a sign of the apocalypse, I don't know what is. Time to repent.
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| A movie I have not seen. Man-pregnancies are convenient but not really appealing. |
Confessions of a Marriage-Phobic
I have a confession to make. I have a fear of marriage.
When I was a kid, I had always imagined myself being married around this age. Now that I'm at this age and marriage is still nowhere near the horizon, I've grown skeptical about the whole thing. And now, there are all these talks about getting married. Almost everyone I know is either married or planning to get hitched. It could be that I'm imagining things but I feel like there are a lot of scrambling-to-get-married going on around me. Don't get me wrong. I am geniunely happy for those of my friends who felt that the time has come for them. But it is alienating to be standing alone on the other end of the spectrum. Okay, so I am not really alone. I know a couple of other people who share my sentiments so it's the three of us high-fiving each other on the anti-marriage corner. You may also say that this is mere sour-graping on my part. And I admit, it could be.
But let's face it. Marriage is not for everybody. All we have to do is look around us to realize this. My own mother is lucky. My father may not be perfect but he belongs to a different male human species long gone and extinct. Don't even get me started about the guys of my generation. That would entail a separate blog entry altogether. All I can say is, if I'm really desperate for someone to scratch my back, I'd get a dog. At least, it can be trained not to shit all over the place.
Be that as it may, I have not completely ruled out marriage in my uhmmm... future. In the far off chance that the universe will play a cosmic joke, then I will embrace it completely. Just make sure that it is not gonna be to somebody who is going to beat the crap out of me. Because unlike some people, I am not scared to spit in the face of the sanctity that is marriage. The joke is not gonna be on me.
When I was a kid, I had always imagined myself being married around this age. Now that I'm at this age and marriage is still nowhere near the horizon, I've grown skeptical about the whole thing. And now, there are all these talks about getting married. Almost everyone I know is either married or planning to get hitched. It could be that I'm imagining things but I feel like there are a lot of scrambling-to-get-married going on around me. Don't get me wrong. I am geniunely happy for those of my friends who felt that the time has come for them. But it is alienating to be standing alone on the other end of the spectrum. Okay, so I am not really alone. I know a couple of other people who share my sentiments so it's the three of us high-fiving each other on the anti-marriage corner. You may also say that this is mere sour-graping on my part. And I admit, it could be.
But let's face it. Marriage is not for everybody. All we have to do is look around us to realize this. My own mother is lucky. My father may not be perfect but he belongs to a different male human species long gone and extinct. Don't even get me started about the guys of my generation. That would entail a separate blog entry altogether. All I can say is, if I'm really desperate for someone to scratch my back, I'd get a dog. At least, it can be trained not to shit all over the place.
Be that as it may, I have not completely ruled out marriage in my uhmmm... future. In the far off chance that the universe will play a cosmic joke, then I will embrace it completely. Just make sure that it is not gonna be to somebody who is going to beat the crap out of me. Because unlike some people, I am not scared to spit in the face of the sanctity that is marriage. The joke is not gonna be on me.
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| Deal-breaker: Marriage to Chucky |
Song of the Moment: Clocks
Look at Chris Martin in this video. He looks like a lover in the throes of an orgasmic frenzy. How can you not want to look at him over and over again? How can you not wish that you were the piano and he is running his fingers on you?
I hope your passion is not wasted on Gwyneth, Chris. After all, she's the other half behind the horror that was Cruisin'. I had to live for days with that song playing repeatedly on my head. It was like a plague. If you want someone more befitting of your, uhmm, energy, dump her and give me a call.
Random Memory #4: The Toy Story
When I was six years old, we moved out of our rented apartment to a house of our own. There were still five us of then: my parents, me, and my two younger brothers. The youngest, Oning, was still a year old. That was a major adjustment period for everyone in the family, especially us kids. We were used to eating good food, having our friends around, watching TV and doing all other kids stuff. When we moved in to our newly-constructed house, we had a roof and walls but no floor. We had to wear slippers all the time which we were not used to. We had no electricity yet so no TV and refrigerator. We had no running water so we had to obtain drinking water at my grandmother's house a few blocks away and do laundry at the river also a few meters away from the back of our house. Most of what we ate were also vegetables grown on our own yard because we were still recovering from all the construction expenses we had incurred. On top of all that, we were in a new environment and didn't know anyone.
My mother must be some kind of a psychic because she had the social dilemma of us kids all figured out. Granted, kids adjust very quickly to new environment but my then 3-year old brother, who is my mother's favorite child, was even more socially inept that I was. The first day we were all settled in, she displayed all our toys for all the neighborhood kids to play with. I swear, all of the toys filled one very gigantic box. Our front yard was literally like having a garage sale for toys.
Me: Where did all these toys come from?
Mother: They are all yours and your brothers'.
Me: No, they are not. I don't remember having this stuffed turtle, that neon pink kitchen set and the alien-looking doll. I don't remember playing with any of these toys at all.
Mother: That's because you have a crappy memory. That stuffed turtle was from when you were 2 years old which I hid from you because you were so attached to it that you would not let it go even after it smelled like a dead animal and needed washing. The doll was when you were 3 but you didn't play with it because it scared the crap out of you. The kitchen set was also from 3 years ago and after playing with it for 3 days straight, you got fed up with it and left it under the tree outside. You have the attention span of a mentally-retarded person.
Me: My memory is not crappy.
Mother: When you were also 2 years old we got a white puppy and named him Whitey. You loved that dog. He was with us for more than two years then he got hit by a speeding vehicle and died. A year after that incident, you can't remember having the dog anymore. Yes, your memory is crappy.
Apparently, we eventually get tired of our toys and discard them but she just swooped in after our play time, repaired the broken toys and kept all of them in a box stowed somewhere. We thought we lost those toys but she had them all along. And she did this for years.
Of course, with a gazillion toys propped up on our yard, we were the most popular kids in the neighborhood. We did not even have to make an effort to gain new friends. We just sat with our toys outside and kids who lived blocks away would pile in and asked to play with us. Even if we had no electricity or running water, all the kids thought we were filthy rich and gave us special treatment. My mother is a freakin' genius. And a toy packrat.
I still can't remember the dog though. I mean, who the hell forgets a dog named Whitey? But my father says that there really was a dog. Even my brother remembered playing with the dog. Dude, you were two years old. How the hell could you possibly remember that? I swear there's a conspiracy going on here. There are no pictures of the alleged dog. My mother said that it was buried at the back of the apartment we rented but there were no markers or tombstone. She allegedly cried when the said dog died. If it were indeed beloved, then there has got to be some remnant of its existence. The whole family is ganging up on me and my poor memory.
As for our toys, they are now buried in their respective resting places. Some in the yard, some on the roof, some changed ownership without our knowing it and others reduced to dog poop courtesy of another dog of ours that I happen to remember who bit everything that looked juicy including my father's arm, whereupon our neighbors decided that the dog was rabid and proceeded to make a recipe out of it. Unlike the dog Whitey, whose true story the conspirators will probably take to their graves, I still remember the toys very well. And even if they eventually died, its okay because they have served their purpose. Even for a short time, I knew what it was like to be a rich kid.
Silence
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Life still goes on. But it will never be the same.
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About Me
- Hazel
- I'm a goddess. I'm a nut-case. I just realized that I've become a here-and-now person and not anymore the look-far-into-the-future type I used to be. I laugh hard. I love harder.
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