My Imaginary Conversation With a Non-Entity

My profuse apologies to the loyal readers of my blog which has now reached a count of 4 people. I know that you needed your goddess fix 3 times a week but I have not been updating for reasons I'm gonna explain below. Just this weekend, I was plagued with the most mortal of conundrums.

I got sick.

I don't get sick a lot. Germs would be lucky if they get into my system twice a year. But when I do get sick it's a big deal because germs come in full force. I get fever, chills, diarrhea, vomiting, the works, all in one setting. If disease were a festival, mine would be the Carnival at Rio. However, I am not the type of person who lets microscopic life forms get in the way of life. When I woke up on Saturday, my stomach felt funny but I went on with my tennis lessons anyway. It got progressively worse that by lunch time, even if I was really hungry, I couldn't eat anything because I felt like throwing up. I went home and had a major case of diarrhea. I took some medication then I slept and woke up at 3pm because I was going to have a coffee date with Janica. But I suddenly realized that I was running a fever and my stomach upset worsened. The more sensible of you might say stay in bed and get some more rest. You must understand, I do not see this person a lot. So when we set a date, it's written in stone. I just had to go. So I got up, vomit my intestines out and went. It's funny how vomiting can help you feel better because when I met Janica at the mall, there was no indication of the civil war being waged inside my body.

We blew our cash on overpriced coffee and stared out at the newly-opened hotel building across the street. I had the best toffee-chocolate cake ever. Then we stared out at the new hotel some more. But I left the mall feeling like I just had the most interesting conversation ever. Friendship is a funny thing.

photo courtesy: Janica

Her (taken with my phone's cam)

When I got back to the dorm at around 7pm, I was sick again. I took my meds and slept. After another 2 hours, I woke up and threw up. My vomit tasted of the cake that I had earlier that I was tempted to swallow it back up. I remembered that I had not eaten anything the whole day except for the cake which now lies in that black hole where crap goes after they are flushed out of the john. So I ate a little then I asked my cousin to rub my back which was aching like it's going to burst open.

I tried to have a conversation with my tormentors.
Me (channeling Gollum): Leave now and never come back! Leave now and never come back!
Germs: Sorry, vacation's not yet over.
Me (threatening mode): If you don't leave, I'll make sure that you are coming with me to the grave.
Germs: Nyahahahaha. Are we supposed to be scared now?

Damn parasite! They are not getting out without a fight. But I still wanted to give it another shot.

Me(bargaining mode): If you leave now and torture somebody else, I'll stop taking the meds, thereby increasing your chances of actually getting out of my body alive. I'll go back to being healthy and you can go on being a parasite. Everyone happy except the next host.

I fell asleep before the germ could formulate a witty reply. I woke up on Sunday still feeling feverish. Apparently, the germs are a slow bunch and have not yet made up their minds whether to accept my generous offer. Or maybe I'm the one who was dense and didn't get that the unwelcome tenants had rejected my offer. Be that as it may, I made sure the the delay or rejection on their part would cost them dearly. I took more meds. Die, you filthy animals! Die!

I went to my tennis lessons again but this time I made sure not to over exert myself. Like I said, I am not the type of person to let disease get in the way. I would never let them germs have that kind of power. Besides, no one in their deathbed ever said that they wish they had taken more bed rest.

To be human is to suffer and to deal with life forms which are so useless they can only survive by living off of other life forms. As if dealing with everyday life is not enough of a challenge, you have to fight creatures which you cannot see. What are our chances of winning?

Mortality, "thou art a heartless bitch".

How To Live On P200 A Week

In the interest of economics, I have decided to share how I was able to survive one work week with a P200 budget.

Here is a list of what I did:
1. Consume the groceries from the week before.
2. Packed lunch, a true sign of hard times.
3. Instant noodles. Cheap and convenient. Just add hot water. Of course, the preservatives are going to kill me eventually but the title of this entry is not "How To Live Past 70".
4. Instant oatmeal. Cheap and healthy. Tastes blah but maybe in the process I'll finally be able to lose that 3kg I have been trying to lose for a year now. I'm not being vain. I'm just trying to reach my ideal body weight, you know, to be healthy. Maybe in the future, I'll get to write "How To Live Past 70".
5. Transfat is my bestfriend. Cookies, biscuits, all those chocolate-covered goodness that will slowly but surely block my arteries after ingestion. I'll probably die of a heart attack, thereby reducing my chances to write that "How To Live Past 70" article I'm so excited about. And I do not mean to take these sources of transfat as snacks. If you drink enough water, they can constitute one meal. Not a hearty meal, but you know what they say, beggars can't be choosers.

There you go. Admittedly, it is not a lot. But trust me, it can go a long way. It's no brainer that if I had to choose between a lifetime of scrimping or a lifetime of gluttony and good food, I would choose the latter, even if I end up trying to lose 50 pounds for the rest of my life or not living past 70. However, I highly doubt being able to resist an unplanned, exciting weekend getaway to some exotic place I've never been to before. As such, the chances of my living on P200 for a week again is not far-fetched. But for those who do not want to live like a beggar, here's my advice: Don't go on unplanned trips. Or better yet, don't get a life! That, ladies and gentlemen, is economical.

Now I Have a Scapegoat

In case I screw up at work, please refer my bosses to this blog entry.

Below is a chart of the problems that might occur when a person has to work under hot temperature. I got it from this website.

Please take note of loss of concentration and loss of efficiency in mental tasks. And at worse, mental problems. Really. So don't be surprised if you catch me doing a Sisa rendition (Basilio! Cris-peeennn!!!) any time soon.

As we are living in the same country, I'm sure some of you may probably be suffering from the same thing. So go to the same website for more details of your possible alibis in case you mess up, as well as for a definition of heat edema, heat syncope and other sophisticated illnesses linked to too much exposure to high temperature. It may come in handy.