The Pledge

Because Facebook was blocked today in the office network but Blogger was not, out of boredom here is what I did:

I pledged to read one book per month starting next month for my own pleasure to Jessicarulestheuniverse.com. And because I love Jessica Zafra, I promise to do my best-est to abide by this pledge for as long as I live and I will also spread the awareness by nagging my friends to do the same. The website targeted to have 300 pledges by yesterday afternoon but since I was out for the whole weekend and yesterday being a holiday, I was not able to submit my pledge on time. What was more tragic was that only half of the target pledge was submitted by the deadline. Oh well, who says that battling illiteracy is easy? At least this is a good start. Now, all I have to do is make a conscious effort. On the bright side, I now have the extra push to really finish the last Lord of the Rings book. I have been stuck on it for, like, months. I know, I'm sooo lame. I'll do better. I promise.

I Want To Improve My Life... (Part 2)

(Here is the continuation of a post from last week.)

Change your wardrobe. What? I do not feel inclined to go Goth. Improve. Not change.
Smile at least 10x a day. Really? Even if there is no reason to? And risk looking like a patient from a mental institution? I think not.
Burn some old memories. Already did. And the amount of space it freed after that is just dying to get filled again.
Plant a tree. Planning to with some friends. Maybe later this year.
Move to another town or country. I'm already in another town. Besides, I don't like moving.
Join new group. I can't think of a group to join right now.
Stop watching TV. I have not had a TV for 4 years now. Sometimes it's actually depressing. But it does spare me from all the crap that people with TV have to put up with.
Start a totally unexpected hobby. I plan to plant my own herbs. When I told my mother about this she was worried because according to her, gardening are either for married people or for spinsters. Since I still have no plans to get married, she just assumed that I'm practicing to be a spinster.
Randomly hug a stranger on the street. No. The stranger will either think that I'm crazy, in which case he'll run screaming away from me, or that I'm a very dangerous person, in which case he'll stab me to death thinking that he was just defending himself.
Set a surprise party. I'm not really a party person. I do not like parties. So it is very unlikely that I would be able to organize a party. But you are doing this to improve yourself, you say. Sure. I will improve myself by not being a party-pooper, which I usually am. There's your improvement.
Go hiking. Yes. Some friends are planning to, along with the tree planting.
Get a pet. I would love to get a dog but it's too much commitment. It's like having a baby only more smelly and hairy. The poor creature will probably die within a week of being with me.
Write a thank you letter. I wrote a thank you blog. Fine. I'll write a letter. Happy now?
Meditate daily. I'm planning to learn yoga. That should take care of the meditation stuff.
Say something nice to somebody. I admit I don't always compliment people unless I was shocked into making the compliment. I will try more often.
Say something nice to You.  NOW we're talking. This I never fail to do albeit only when nobody is around to hear. I would not want anyone to think that I am the female reincarnate of Narcissus.
When in doubt, improvise. Sometimes, that may not be a good idea. Haha. I've heard horror stories about this.
Don't argue, win or lose. Fortunately, I have never seen the sense in arguing. I avoid arguments like a plague.
Stop faking your life. I never need to fake my life. My life is fabulous. People would be lucky to have a life like mine. Like I said, I sometimes sound like Narcissus.
Define goals. Done. Achieving them is entirely different.
Go social. Man, this is the same as the 'Make new friends' from the earlier post. Again, I'll try.
Spend some time alone. Ah, now this I love. I do it all the time.
Fix something by yourself. I'm sure I have fixed something. I just can't remember at the moment.
Help others. I have been doing this all my life. What can I say, I'm the snob with a heart.
Create value. Hell, yeah. What is the purpose of creating something that is completely worthless. And I'm not just talking about monetary value here.
Do random act of kindness. There was a girl who fell down on the side of the street. She couldn't get up immediately because she scraped her knees. Her bag and books were scattered on the sidewalk. I picked up her books and did a really stupid thing. I asked her if she was okay. Of course, she is not okay. But she said she was anyway. Bottom line is I'm a very helpful and kind person. I could not help it. It's in my nature.
One more second. I have a natural inclination to procrastinate. I am not proud of that but there it is. So I just don't take one more second. I take another minute. Or two.
Understand what people want from you. Sure. But a problem arises when people don't understand what they want from you. Besides, you'll never be able to understand everything so I don't sweat it.
Break an old habit. Swearing. I know it's not good. I will try harder not too.
Stop complaining. Au contraire, I rarely complain. I am such a doormat, I hate it.
Reject what you don't want. Actually, easier said than done.
Being is better than having. What can I say? I'm a material girl. But I do try to be. Whatever that means.
Listen to your critics. All the time. I don't necessarily agree with them and most of the time I think they are wrong but I do listen.
Don't take it personally. I need to work on this one. I find it very difficult to not personally take any attack that is thrown against me or anything I did. It just is. I mean, if it's me or something I did, how can it not be personal?
Laugh. I laugh. A lot. Like a lunatic.
Go with passion. I do. Most of the time anyway. I am a fairly passionate person.
Trust your emotion. Yes. Sometimes my emotions are over-the-top but they are seldom completely wrong.
Live it like a holiday. This is gonna be a problem because holiday means spending and that is something that I'm trying to curb right now.
Make a story out of it. Oh, puh-lease. I'm not a story teller. I don't want to be. I don't want to be the person who bores the other person into a coma with anecdotes from my life.
Stop being a follower. Ummm...
Watch your belief. This is fair enough. Our beliefs do help mold us into the person that we are.
Stop lying. I'm not a habitual liar but you have to admit that there are times when it is better to lie.
Stop reacting to stuff. It takes a hell of a lot to annoy or affect me. It's such a waste of energy.
Live today. Of course. We can only live today. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come.
Expect the unexpected. Always.
Enjoy. Of course. Why else would I got through all these?
Make your own rules. Yes. Then break all of them. There are no rules.
Love. I'm a fan of love. I love love.
Get rid of levels. Just like the rules, baby. All going out the window.
No regrets. None whatsoever. Live, love and let cleavage.

I Want To Improve My Life... (Part 1)

I don't want to fall into a rut and die so I'm looking for ways to improve my life. Just this past couple of weeks, I suddenly feel so in control of my life. I'm getting better at tennis. I have defined a reasonable financial objective and I am fairly confident about achieving them, at least the short-term and mid-term ones. I feel really good and I makes me want to do something that would make me feel even better. So I was browsing on the internet and I came across this blog. It's a list of stuff you can do to make your life better. Since I have time and in a personal-improvement mode, here they are:


Accept my mistakes. That's easy enough. I am perfectly sure that right now I am not carrying a chip over some mistake that I did.  
Accept my friends' mistakes. Also no problem. I have this tendency to hold a grudge over someone who did me really wrong especially if they are my friends because I just feel like they should know better. But right now, there are no mistakes from friends that are looming over my head unaccepted so this is a check.
Create a new habit. I'm trying to make a habit out of making a gratitude list every week. I usually do the list on Mondays so that I don't feel too bugged about the weekend being over. I'm still starting so it's very hard to try to remember to keep at it.
Build self-discipline. This one takes a lot of effort. It will probably take me my entire lifetime to do this. This is an on-going process for me.
Make new friends. Damn. I knew this was gonna be on the list. It's always on all self-improvement lists. I swear I'll try. I am not opposed to making new friends. I just couldn't get myself to start up a conversation. When somebody approaches me to make friends with me, I'm not gonna give him a hard time but I'm not gonna be the one. to. start. the. conversation.
Get a new job. I can't. I'm still 6 months into this one. And I happen to like it.
Start a new diet. I will. But not a diet diet. It's more like a diet that will include more variety into my meals. But I'm going to start that when I have a new place where I can actually cook.
Keep a journal. Yes.
Create and keep a morning phrase. Apparently, this is something you say to yourself every morning to set your mood for the whole day. I'll think of something.
Travel far away from home. Well, I'm living in a place far away from home so I guess this is done. 
Learn to take risks. Yes, I am sort of a risk-taker. I've moved out of our house. I've quit a job. I've jumped off a cliff to a deep water and I am not even confident with my ability to swim.
Start your own business. Hmmm... I don't know...
Change your work space. Okay, I'll work on that.
Learn a new language. Spanish. Next year.
Find reasons to agree. Are you kidding me? I'm the most agreeable person I know.
Pay yourself first. I thought I was already doing this because everytime I get my paycheck I always buy myself stuff first. Now I understand that when I do that, I am paying the store, not myself. Paying yourself means put part of your income in your savings account first. Started doing it just this month.
Wake up early. Well, I would not know how to measure this because I work during the night. I will be transferred to a morning shift soon so I will know then.
Train your focus. For me, this is similar to the self-discipline thing. I'm working on it.
Start a blog.  Done.
Write an ebook.  I don't know. That's kinda hard. 
Be better, not perfect. An ongoing process.
Stop self-sabotage. I don't think I do this. I self-doubt but I don't self-sabotage.
Find reasons to love your life. I don't need reasons. I love myself. Period.
Try something new. I tried Thai food. It did horrible things to my stomach. I will still go on trying new things though. I love the sense of adventure it brings.
Avoid fighting. I do. At all cost. Even to the point of saying yes to everything. And that does not improve my life. I need to learn to say no without guilt.
Stop wasting power. Again, it's the self-discipline thing.
Learn to ignore. I am good at this. It annoys my mother that she can't annoy me. Nyahaha.
Experiment gratitude. Not only do I experiment it but I practice it. I say thank you to everyone even if they are just doing it because it's their job.
Recycle your aggression. This is why I love tennis. You can do to the ball what you can't do to the person who annoys the hell out of you.
Release your guardian. Guardians are those which are keeping you from jumping into opportunities or doing something crazy. I'm okay in this department. I don't have a lot of guardians. Just enough to keep me in the right path.
Clean up your house. I don't have a house so I guess the room will do.
Write a personal mission statement. Hmmm. Kinda hard also.
Dissolve negative opinions about yourself. I don't have a negative opinion of myself. I have a realistic opinion of myself and even those I try to break. Sometimes. Little by little.
Build different skills. Writing is a skill I'm trying to build. Something which is completely different from my field.
Manage your time as you manage your money. Also a work in progress.
Exercise. Since I started doing tennis, I realize why a lot of people, including myself in the past, are not successful with their exercise regimen. It's because for them, exercise means to jog or go to the gym. Well guess what, guys. The reason why you can't keep at jogging or going to the gym is because it is boring. Try a sport. It's way better.
Be a parent. No.
Throw away one object a day from your house. No. To what end? Why buy stuff when you are just gonna throw it away? Unless it is badly damaged. Besides, I'm a packrat. It's against my nature.
Read a book per week. A book per month is more realistic for me. Sorry.
Start a monthly challenge. I'm not every good at thinking out challenges. Throw me a challenge and I'll try my hand at it.
Call an old friend. Done.
Follow a coincidence. No. I think it's more romantic that they remain a coincidence. When it's a coincidence, it's nature's accident. It's the universe conspiring. I love that.
Play a game. Tennis game?
Forgive somebody out of the blue. I don't know anyone who needs forgiveness from me.
Stop solving the wrong problems. Yes. Sometimes I fall into this kind of trap. I lose focus and end up worrying about the wrong things.
Make peace with an old enemy. Ummm... I don't have an old enemy that I know of.
Make a promise to a close person and keep it. Really? And that would improve my life how?
Break up with a person you don't really like. Ahhh...
Get a thing you wanted for a long time. This makes me sad. I can't remember anything I wanted for a long time. Damn.
Stop being judgmental. Fortunately, I am seldom judgmental. Haha.

(to be continued...)
more from Dragos Roua- Brilliantly Better

List # 1: Things To Do in the Next 6 Months

This is to jumpstart the list of lists that I'm going to share. If I had no other stuff to do, I'd be able to accomplish all these in less than a month. But between working and trying to get a life outside of work, I can only do so much.

The # 1 item on the list has been on my list of financial goals every year for the last 2 years. Now that I have made this list public, I'd be embarrased if I haven't crossed this out by the end of the year. The most difficult item on this list would have to be # 7. Moving out entails a considerable budget, not to mention effort. And I hate moving. I don't like having to pack and transport all my stuff to another place. But I have to move out. I am not really a dorm kind of person. The fact that by the end of the year I'll have lived in this place for one year is a considerable feat. As you already know, I am not a very sociable person. Living in a dorm with other human beings automatically assigns to you some social responsibilities. Not to mention the kind of things that you have to tolerate from other people, like for instance, the girl-next-room's choice of music or her phone conversations with her boyfriend which is audible to the entire floor. Hello, do you really need everyone to know that you're an immature brat whose music library is composed of songs from The Steps? Geez.

"But what does not kill me will make me stronger", so until I am able to live on my own apartment, I'm gonna continue to tolerate the girl in the next room as well as those who hog all the clothes line during laundry day and those who leave their trash on the bathroom. Needless to say, I'm sure they are also just barely tolerating my existence

To My Beloved Friend and Minion, Alexis

(My friend Alexis wrote this on her Facebook page. This blog entry is my reply.)

You are right. Day offs are rare gifts. Why do I get this feeling that you spend yours worrying about tomorrow or about the stuff you need to do when you get back to work? You worry too much. You need to relax. If I had a dime every time I tell you this, I'd be a millionaire by now.

You are right. Life is not easy. All of us have some sort of bitterness, regrets, and mistakes. The important thing is we learn from them and move on. Do not let the negative stuff take center-stage.

It is human nature to be uncontented. It is okay to aspire for possessions and a higher status in life. But that should not be your end goal. When we die, we cannot take any of those with us to the after-life.

If you don't like where you are and what you do, you can only do so much. At some point you have to stop and ponder if it is all worth it. Things may not work out but that doesn't necessarily mean a dead end. If you have learned from it then it has served its purpose. Nothing we do is ever pointless, the good or the bad. Unless you just sit in one corner and wait for the day of your death or the apocalypse, whichever comes first. Now, THAT is pointless.

The most important thing in life I believe is to do something which you believe in, something that is worth your time. Not only will your life be productive but when you die and your Creator will ask you what you have been doing with the time He gave to you, you will not be embarrassed with your answer.

Do not wait for things like love, fame and success to happen to you. Make them happen. And if they don't happen, cheer up, it's not the end of the world. There are other things in life that can make you happy, like your family, friends and work. Like everything else in this world, happiness is a choice. It has to be a conscious effort on your part and no, you cannot find that in another person especially if you are not happy with yourself.

Indeed, you are lucky. Your family loves you. We, your friends, love you just as much. I know you will continue to worry. It's one of the things you do well. It's one of the things we love about you. It's one of the things that make you you. But don't overdo it. Wrinkles are never in fashion. Always remember, however deep the pit that you may be in at any given time, some people have it worse. Some people die miserable. As long as you are alive, you have a better chance of getting yourself out of that shithole and die happy.

More importantly, what makes you really lucky, is that you have me. Your semi-perfect deity of a friend who is willing to go out on a limb to give you decent advice. Understand that this is non-compulsory. You may read this and not follow it, if you wish. Though I strongly advice against that because I know I am right and I would totally hate to see this blog space go to waste.

I am kidding, of course. A little.

Now, if I could only learn to follow my own advices, I'd be in better shape than I am today in all respects. But I guess that's just not how it works.

My Bara-dur

If I were Frodo, this would be my dark tower:

Like Frodo, it is my mission to conquer this tower. But unlike Frodo, my tower is self-imposed and will not likely end with my going to Mt. Doom to cast the ring of power to the fire, unless the ring is a metaphor for my eyesight and Mt. Doom is the cataracts. And yes, the tower is in dire need of replenishment. I am scheduled to go on a book hunting in the next month.

I am now reading this:

It is the last book from the trilogy.  What I will read after that will depend largely on my mood. Some of these books, like The Sound and The Fury, I have bought years ago but have not gotten around to reading. In the case of The Sound and The Fury, I had attempted many times in the past to read it but after several pages, my nose and ears started bleeding so I put it down and started reading another book.


"The people loved learning. They loved stories and poetry even if none of these were any good for getting a job." ~Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt

My Passion for Writing: A Long History

When I was still in kindergarten I wanted to become a nurse. My main fascination lay in the fact that they look immaculate and sexy in their uniform. Moreover, every single nurse that I saw then was really pretty. However, I realized that I have a weak stomach for things like blood, ugly wounds, anything that smells bad and anything that looks eww. A trait which I have unfortunately inherited from my mother. So I had to chuck that ambition out of the window.

When I was in 3rd grade, I discovered the joys of reading and how it made me better in my English subjects. So I started reading more than what was necessary and, naturally, this led to my interest in books and wanting to write something that I would want to read. When I graduated in elementary, I was Writer of the Year, an accolade which was awarded to me because I wrote one lousy poem about my crush and cemented by the fact that I read and spoke better English than the rest of my classmates.

When I got to high school and went to Philippine Southfield School, it was a little different because although I still read more than most of the people in my class, there were now a few guys who were just as good in English and writing. But that didn't matter so much because I have never been a type A competitive person. I'm the kind who, when I'm sure of my answer, will share that to anyone who asks for it, even on major exams. Yes, I know. That is considered cheating but did I also mention that I have always been morally-gray? That is also the reason why I am not so religious. Religions are pretty much black and white when it comes to their stand on moral issues. I'm just not. But I digress.

In freshman year of high school, notwithstanding the fact that there were a few other people good at what I thought was my field, I still loved English and writing all the more. Teacher Vi was a really great teacher and she made the subject interesting. In sophomore year, we had a second English teacher. Teacher Maia was new to our school and she was also a real writer. Our English classes under her were focused on writing and applied English in general. I honestly thought I could impress the hell out of her. When I received the first-ever composition paper that she graded for us, holy stinking cow shit! It was a blood-bath! I literally could not see my own penmanship because of the gazillion corrections that Teacher Maia did in red (even now, if she is reading this, she is probably making mental red marks :)). And since I didn't adapt the I-don't-care-if-I'm-wrong-as-long-as-we're-all-wrong mentality until college, it didn't matter that all the other paper shared the same fate. I was beyond humiliated. Fortunately, I am not easily disheartened when failing at something I love doing and Teacher Vi and Teacher Maia were very encouraging and enthusiastic. By junior year, with our English teachers as advisers, our school established its own publication, I being a part of the editorial staff. By the time I graduated, my father and I were advised by our school's Vice President for Academics, Mr. Apepe, who was one of our mentors during workshops for the school paper, that I should take up Creative Writing or Mass Communication at Siliman University. I was even more encouraged by that push. My father went as far as inquiring dorms for me in that school. Unluckily, my mother did not agree because Siliman was too far away and she would rather that I studied within Cagayan de Oro City. The best school in our city was Xavier University but it didn't offer any creative writing courses so I went on an entirely different path and took up Accountancy which was the best curriculum that XU offered. I do not hate my mother anymore for not letting me go and I don't really dwell on the what if's of my life. Sometimes, though, it does cross my mind that if only I've had formal training...

College was distinctive, for lack of a better term. I wasn't sure about my major. Being enrolled in the most intimidating course of the most intimidating school in our part of the country, every single one of my classmates were the smartest or the second smartest in their respective schools. All of them wanted to sit in front. All of them raised their hands when the teacher asked a question. All of them spent their vacant periods studying in the library. I wasn't a bad student. In fact, I was an honor student all through elementary and high school. But I never sat in front. I never raised my hand even when I knew the answer. And I only visited the library when I was stalking my college crush or when I was reading books not related to my course (which, if it counted for something, would have made me summa cum laude, no kidding).

Suffice it is to say that my love for English and writing never waned and in that environment of stressed-out students and overdue papers, I found another formidable English teacher, Ma'am Illana. Since my course considered English a minor subject, I only had 5 English classes my entire college life. Fortunately, I had Ma'am Illana in 3 of them. I may not have been good in Accounting, Finance, Law, and Taxation, subjects which were considered major in my course, but not even the best person in Accounting from my class could trounce me in English (ahem). I aced every single English class I had. I especially liked the Humanities. I always studied for it. One time, my father noticed me studying and we had a conversation that went like this:

Him: You are always studying for English. That's your minor and you are already good at that. Even if you don't study, you're gonna get good grades on it. Why not study more for your Accounting? That's your major and you are flunking out on that.

Me: I'm bad in Math and anything that involves numbers. You knew this. If you had only fought for me to go to Siliman, English would be my major, I wouldn't have any Accounting subjects and we would not be having this conversation.

Ok, it didn't actually happen like that but you get the idea. Like I said, I do not hate my mother anymore for not letting me go. At some level, she was right. I do notice that there were just a lot more opportunities for commerce graduates, though I could be wrong. And like I said, I'm not the type who dwells on the what if's. I am happy now. I really am. I may not have turned out to be the writer in the caliber that my high school teachers expected but I believe that I am where I should be. Of course, I will always thank them for their help and influence:

Teacher Vi, with her post-it notes of praise and encouragement which I kept up to this very day.
Teacher Maia, with her ever-reliable red pen. I appreciate all the corrections and comments. They made me better and made me see the beauty of the language even more.
Ma'am Illana, with her formidable look and ancient knowledge in English. You'll never know how much you touched my life.

Thank you!

One Thing Out of My To-Do List

I know, I know. This blog was supposed to chronicle my activities on my way to midlife but most of the entries that I posted had been about my past. Forgive me. I have this inclination to be sentimental at times.

Over the weekend in my hometown, I have managed to do something which has been on my to-do list for a long time: learn to play tennis. Yes, I may not be a sports-minded person but I don't completely suck at the physical activities that I try my hand on. And I have long wanted to play tennis. It is the sport of most of my father's side of the family. He played tennis. So does 1 of his 3 brothers, all of his 3 sisters as well as his own father. In high school, I have asked him to teach me how to play it. He just told me that I was too small and the racquet will be too heavy for me. I didn't object since I really was small in frame. I didn't realize then that the racquet weigh a mere 0.75 pound. When I was in college, I asked him again but he wanted me to focus on my studies first. When I started working, I just didn't have the time. Now that I do, I asked him again and fortunately, he agreed.

So that is what we did the morning before I went back to Cebu.

Admittedly, there is still so much that I need to learn that's why I resolved to keep on practicing and playing here on weekends. I have brought two racquets back with me so that I could practice with someone. Besides, if this will become a regular habit, I will be hitting two birds with one stone. Not only do I get to cross out that item on my to-do list, I will also fulfill my resolution to keep in shape. I have tried running on weekends but, man, I find it so boring, I couldn't finish 3 rounds in one setting. Tennis is way better.

My sister, the other beginner at tennis. We made a pact that she would also practice so that we can have a tennis death match when I go back to Cagayan de Oro. She has a huge advantage since she is considerably younger ergo more flexible and she has my father to practice with. But it doesn't matter because when I get back I will pulverize her. (evil laugh)

My father, our mentor. He may be a tennis-player-not-Agassi but he was pretty good when he was in his prime. Unfortunately, he is still unaware that that era has long gone. But he is a good tennis teacher.